“Your wings were ready, but my heart was not”
So, I held back writing this post or ever talking about this with anyone, even family. But there comes a time where you know you might be able to relate to someone else.
I had the amazing chance to actually live with my grandad. He was the most down to earth, honest, wonderful person in the world. He would be the one to take me to the shops and secretly buy me magazines and sweets when my mum didn’t know. The one who gave us his precious Polo’s which he cut into 4 and kept in his pocket, and the one who hid his ring on the stairs and told us he ‘lost’ it to make us run around the house to look for it. He had endless amount of love to give us and we couldn’t have asked for anything more.
When we found out he was unwell, my family felt lost. We didn’t really know how to cope. We just made sure we created the most amazing memories for him before he left us. Everyone who knows me, knows I have one picture that will be with me forever. It’s the picture of his last birthday with us, with my sisters giving him all the kisses we could. That was a difficult birthday to get through but there is never a day where I don’t think about it.
The day we lost him replays in my head over and over. Some days are harder than others but it is the hardest memory that I wish I could hide away. It’s by far one of the hardest days I’ve lived through to which then repeats itself in my head. The day he became our angel, we knew we had the most precious man looking over us. The pain was hard and we felt a huge hole in our hearts. We weren’t able to comprehend or talk about the situation but we knew we had to be there for each other.
To this day, we celebrate his birthdays and continue to remember him on the good days and the bad. We know he is watching over us and protecting us from the bad. As much as I would love to be able to give him a kiss every morning and evening, I know he’s our precious angel and is in a better place. Losing someone dear to you is never easy. I can definitely say that you do feel lost and unsure about what to do with yourself. It’s been 5 years since we lost our grandad and the pain still hurts. I think about him everyday and we have to always remember that he is in our hearts everyday.