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It's okay not to be okay.

I've been away for a long time and there was a something in me which made me realise that blog writing was one of my favourite things to do.

As most will be aware, Sunday 10th October 2021 was World Mental Health Day. Although national days don't change a lot for me usually (National Pancake Day doesn't mean I eat more pancakes), this day was one I had to find a way to change. I ensured I was able to get my work team involved in the #helloyellow campaign and began to think deep about me and my life. Although it is not obvious when someone is having down days or going through low moods and anxiety, it doesn't mean it isn't real. People like myself are very easy to hide away from it and continue to be "happy" when in reality they want to be curled up in a ball, in bed, most likely watching Netflix.

Recently, I have been feeling a bit rough and haven't quite been myself. I stepped away from blog writing whilst work life got busy and then gave up on something I was very happy doing (something I definitely do not recommend).

Since I've been so M.I.A a lot has changed. After getting a new job (and loving it more than I expected to), I started to feel so much better about myself until something hit me. It felt like a tonne of bricks fell from the highest of heights and I crashed. I didn't know what it was but I knew I didn't like it. It began to take a toll on my social life, relationship life and family life because everything just felt forced. Pretending to be happy when inside I wanted to be doing nothing. Summer came and went in the blink of an eye and I recently decided enough was enough. There was no need to let myself be down and I knew I had to learn to get out of my head. My headaches got worse and work became unbearable... Until I took the step to go Reflexology (@solefulbyreena) which was ultimately one of the best 90 minutes ever! I went through the doctors to double check I was okay and took the bold step to start counselling (which is an experience in itself and a whole different blog) and actually use words to talk to my family.

It hasn't been easy but the road to recovery has only just begun.

I want to take a moment for the people who are literally there for me without needing to say they are. My besties are there for me whenever I need them, but they knew that the dreaded "you okay?" messages were never gonna be the truth of the truth. Patiently waiting for me I know they got my back if I need them. To my boyfriend who is one of the kindest souls, has and will always be there at every hurdle with the extra support I need. I might never ask for it and might be the one who pushes him away but he fights back and is one of the best. Lastly, to the family I never chose but if it was my way I would choose each and every one of them again. They might not be one for talking about emotions or feelings but I'm definitely getting them there so we can help each other when we need it the most.

I guess the key lesson here is, admitting that its okay not to be okay and surrounding yourself with those who bring out the best in you. Those who keep you positive, smiling (for real) and those who have the best intentions. If they aren't helping you, they aren't worth your time.

“Increasing the strength of our minds is the only way to reduce the difficulty of life.” ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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