There comes a time in life when you realise it can’t all be sunshine’s and rainbows. It’s so easy to show the smiles, but knowing what’s really behind them is never seen. During lockdown, I went through a rough phase in life. Although many people saw the positivity and happiness, it was difficult to speak words about it. I do think blogging / writing is a key way to help let everything out.
During lockdown, there were times I needed “me” time… times where I spoke to no one and wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world. No one can ever really go through the same things as another but there is a sense of similarity. Personally, I called it as being in a funk. I did not want myself to label what I was feeling as I was unsure about it all myself. I do think that I tried to “keep positive” but I definitely learnt that is easier said than done. I wanted to cancel plans, keep to myself at work and just be in bed all day, even though I knew I had a great support system by my side. Although, minimal people knew, the few that did tried their best to be by my side (virtually of course – we try not to break the rules). I am forever grateful to have had great people by my side.
I think if anything came from that, it was to talk. They say that during this time especially, it is important to talk. 1 in 6 people experience mental health problems each week. Now I know not everyone is lucky to have or be comfortable to talk so this is why I write. My journal is there for everything in my head, in whatever order I write it… The key is to let it out.
Right now, although my job is not where I want to be in life, I can say that I am feeling positive. I recently downloaded a meditation app and before bed everyday I can finally say I shut down. I put my phone on night mode and let myself sink into my bed. The next morning, I no longer use my phone till after being up and awake for half hour or more to give my brain time to adjust. It has been eye opening and I do love it.
I think the last thing I can say is; “You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a negative person. It makes you human.” Lori Deschene! The truth of it is hard because I do try be positive all the time to help myself and those around me, but it is okay to be sad. I try to enjoy the life I live and I want to live it with smiles. I continue to work on my self and keep my head held high.